You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
