my being single is dangerous.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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