I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
