Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
