she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
