Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
this hospital has no fireball
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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