Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
