Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize