What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
