the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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