we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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