So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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