if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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