Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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