I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
