After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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