At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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