playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
