over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
