so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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