I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
