Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
