I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
