The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
