it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
