What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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