So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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