I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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