so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he thought i was a dude.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
