if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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