tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
