i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
