The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
