I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
