I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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