he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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