if you like me you must not know who I am
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
