I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
MIDGETS
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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