no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
