her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My cat gives me a boner
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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