Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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