I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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