No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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