I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
