3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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