Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
