No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
