I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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