we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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