Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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