i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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