she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
