DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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