you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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