i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dicks are not precious.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
