i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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