I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
