pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't turn off my feet"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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