If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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