Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
