I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
