i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
