she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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