the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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