Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
