i just wanna soil my oats bro
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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