his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
