So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
