if you like me you must not know who I am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
