How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
